Looking at Differences Through a Trauma-Informed Lens
I have some deep convictions and strong opinions. There are times my worldview makes so much sense to me that I feel like everyone must share it.
Obviously, that is not true. It might be especially pronounced in an election year, but there is plenty of evidence around me that not everybody believes and thinks just like me. In fact, there is nobody else in the world that believes and thinks exactly like me.
In many ways, this is to be celebrated. Without diversity of thought and philosophy, our world would be awfully boring. But without a doubt, it also leads to challenges. People we need to interact with - be they co-workers, customers, or even family members - might hold views we find disagreeable or even objectionable. I'm certainly not going to say I have all the answers, but lately I'm trying to view these differences and interactions with a trauma-informed lens.
This means making a conscious effort to shift my perspective. For example, instead of thinking judgmentally "What is wrong with this person?," I might think "what has happened to this person?" That doesn't mean I'm actually going to ask the person this question, but it's a reminder to myself that the person has been shaped by their own experiences and possible traumas. Asking open-ended questions and practicing active listening could help build empathy and understanding, as could letting go of trying to persuade the other person to see things my way, which is likely to be an exercise in frustration. In spite of our differences, I want to try to find some common ground and perhaps identify a goal we both want to accomplish.
Of course, if a conversation or interaction with another person becomes hurtful, it's appropriate to use another important practice from the trauma-informed toolkit and set boundaries. Sometimes the best course of action will be to redirect the conversation or step away from the situation. How do I know when those times will be? It's a process I'm continually learning, and in no way do I find it easy.
Find a Book to Help
Fortunately, in recent years some valuable books have been published that offer some guidance on how to get along and maybe even collaborate with people who have radically different life experiences and points of view. Below are some recommended reads in the San Jose Public library catalog,
This blog is part of a series that focuses on being trauma-informed and resilience-oriented as part of the library's efforts to embrace the TIROC principles in our interactions with you and with ourselves.
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